Eight everyday habits that separate thriving couples from the rest.
Most couples who have taken our Relationship Strength Assessment have a pretty solid base. Our latest analysis shows an average score of 64%.
What’s really interesting, is what separates the struggling couples from the ones who are thriving.
Our analysis has boiled it down to eight simple yet powerful habits you can do everyday – without grand gestures, loads of money or adding hours to your busy week.
We call these The Vital 8. And this guide walks you through each one, explaining why it matters, and what you can do next.
Each vital habit has a handful of helpful links for taking action, and further reading.
If you find this resource useful, and would like further support – feel free to learn more about couples counselling and how I work.
Strong Couples Do The Vital 8
Our first analysis in 2025 helped us shape the original Vital 8.
In September 2026, we reviewed a larger set of 200+ Relationship Strength Assessment submissions and once again, looked across all 72 questions to see which everyday relationship experiences were most closely associated with higher overall scores.
This process helped us refine the Vital 8 and what they mean.
And now, you can do a quick check-in across the Vital 8, and see exactly where you stand – and what might be a helpful next step.
– Noting that correlation, is not causation.
Why The Vital 8 Matter
These are the habits that strong couples share.
Our data has unearthed the things that make the biggest difference between struggling couples and thriving couples.
If you are ‘flashing red’ on any of these ‘vitals’ – take notice.
Improving on them, even in a small way, can have a big impact on your relationship.
You can think of these ‘vitals’ like lights on a dashboard for your relationship – and they all matter.
The Vital 8: Quick Self Check
1. Work Through Problems Together
Ask yourself: When problems crop up, even recurring ones – can we listen with empathy and work through them together?
Why it matters: Feeling heard and working as a team makes difficult issues easier to face and less likely to create distance.
What you can do: Have a weekly couples catch-up – A short guided chat with a purpose, including:
- Raise small things early
- Get on the same page
- Connect with your values
- Share what you’re grateful for
- Reflect on what’s working well.
- Support each other and feel like you’re on the same team.
2. Repair and Reconnect After Conflict
Ask yourself: After conflict, can we calm things down, apologise or forgive where needed, and reconnect?
Why it matters: Disagreements happen. What matters is being able to repair hurt and reconnect rather than remaining distant.
What you can do: A combination of things can make a big difference including:
- Lowering your defenses
- Knowing when to take a time out
- Staying calm – and saying the right thing at the right time – with Smooth Conversations
- Noticing the warning signs – with greater self awareness
3. Prioritise Fun and Quality Time
Ask yourself: Do we make time for dates, quality connection and fun together?
Why it matters: Spending quality time together allows your relationship to flourish.
What you can do: Set aside blocks of quality time, and prioritise time together without being distracted.
- Understand the benefits of quality time
- Have deeper conversations – connected couples conversations
- Have fun together – try something new
4. Make Appreciation Felt
Ask yourself: Do we each feel recognised, valued and appreciated for who we are?
Why it matters: Appreciation strengthens connection when it is expressed in ways the other person can genuinely feel and receive.
What you can do: Checking in with each other throughout the day, Share a Love Spark daily, or why not write a love letter? Other ideas to show your appreciation include:
- Love yourself first – to love your partner more
- Get started with gratitude and tune in to your partner
5. Build a Shared Future
Ask yourself: Are we happy with where our relationship is heading, and do we share goals that inspire us?
Why it matters: When you agree on ‘why’ – the ‘what and how’ gets easier.
What you can do: Understand what makes you tick, and have deeper conversations with your partner.
6. Manage Boundaries and Find Balance
Ask yourself: Do we set and respect our boundaries and find a fair balance between personal and shared interests?
Why it matters: Healthy boundaries create safety, while a fair balance leaves room for both individuality and togetherness.
What you can do: Set a boundary on something that’s been disrupting your relationship.
- Learn about your Window of Tolerance
- Explore and discover your emotions with more clarity
- Explore Life Balance and what might need to change
7. Check In and Feel Understood
Ask yourself: Do we stay in touch and feel that our emotional needs are understood?
Why it matters: Regular check-ins help partners feel seen, supported and emotionally connected.
What you can do: Reach out to your partner, ask how you can support them, share a laugh, and get through a sticking point with a Smooth Conversation.
- Respond maturely, by turning toward your partner.
- Learn how to be a good listener
- Pick up what you’re partner’s putting down
8. Keep Everyday Affection Alive
Ask yourself: Do we keep small affectionate rituals alive and express love in ways the other person appreciates?
Why it matters: Small loving gestures, show you care and help maintain warmth, connection, affection and closer intimacy.
What you can do: Share a kiss, have a longer hug, cuddle on the couch.
- Explore the return to innocence – if showing affection feels hard.
- Practice patience and learn what your partner likes most.
- Listen together: Loving affirmations – inspired by Love Sparks
Bringing it All Together
How did you go? If you’ve scanned the Vital 8 and checked how you’re travelling, you’ve already done the most important step – noticing what matters.
Now, pick one or two small habits to improve on over the next fortnight. Keep it simple and repeatable.
Not sure where to start?
You can’t go wrong with a Weekly Couples Catch-up, A simple, smart way to get back on the same page, and turn Vital 8 intentions into action.
If you’d like relationship support – that’s what I do. I’m a couples counsellor on the Mornington Peninsula (near Melbourne) and I help partners repair and reconnect each day.
When deeper layers are in play, like broken trust, betrayal/infidelity, trauma triggers, mental health, stress, communication breakdowns, or gridlocked issues – reaching out for professional support is a smart move. Learn more and get in touch today.
