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The Return to Innocence

I often share this snippet of wisdom with my couples as they are going through couples counselling with me. It’s a passage that is especially helpful for those who are finding their way through emotions of guilt and shame toward forgiveness.

The following is an excerpt by Phil Laut; within a book titled Loving Relationships by Sondra Ray.

Innocence is a state of oneness with yourself; it is a state of now knowing.  This means that your perception of yourself is free of past knowledge or conditioning; it leaves you free to function in present time. 

Guilt is the fear reaction to what you may perceive as an unsafe universe.  Guilt is the tendency to beat the universe to the punch and punish yourself before something bigger and stronger can punish you.  Guilt is its own punishment.  If you feel guilty, you have already punished yourself enough.  More punishment will not make you feel any better. 

Forgiveness is the path of the return to innocence – the return to the natural human state of unconditional love, satisfaction, peace and power.  Forgiveness is letting go of all attachment to thoughts of revenge or retribution.  Forgiveness is emotional disarmament.

Forgiveness is not logical in the standard sense of logic.  Forgiveness is very simple.  If you feel guilty about something, that is all the information you need to know that forgiveness is lacking.  Forgiveness has nothing to do with anyone but you.  When you forgive someone, you may notice that they feel better about you, but that is not the point.  Forgiveness is so that you can feel better about yourself.  So, just as guilt is its own punishment, forgiveness is its own reward.

Forgiveness is the path of the return to innocence

Suggested Affirmations for Forgiveness

Finding Forgiveness for Yourself & Relationship

Choose one or two affirmations that resonate with you and let the words inspire, guide, and be with you for the next day or even longer. Say the affirmation to yourself throughout your day.

Return to this article as needed, to choose your next affirmation and repeat.

Notice how you feel and how the belief in your words is helping you process your thoughts and emotions. It may take some time, and that’s okay.

Share your words of affirmation with your partner, let them ‘into your world’ on what you are feeling and going through.

  • I forgive myself.
  • I am willing to forgive myself.
  • I am now in the process of forgiving myself therefore, I fully accept, love and approve of myself.  I love myself.
  • I forgive others for hurting me.
  • I am in the process of positive life change.
  • I forgive myself for letting others hurt me.
  • I forgive others for letting me hurt them.
  • I forgive myself for struggling in life, until now.


I am willing to forgive myself.

Affirmations to Support Healing & Wellbeing

Loving your self, and having a healthy sense of self-worth is key for a loving and stable relationship. If your boat has been rocked by a betrayal, for example, use the below affirmations to support a return to health and wellbing.

  • I love myself, therefore others love me.
  • I am willing to accept love and stop resisting.
  • It is safe to surrender to love.
  • Love is my safety.
  • I am willing to let myself be supported in love.
  • Love always heals me.
  • I always get what I want and I only want good things for me.
  • I only attract loving, good people.
  • I no longer suppress my feelings.  I express my feelings to others easily.
  • I forgive my parents for their ignorant behaviour toward me.
  • I am ready to experience compassion, love and friendship with my parents, no matter where they are.
  • I forgive myself completely.  I am innocent.
  • I no longer need to fail to get even.
  • I am willing to let go of the struggle in relationships and allow myself to have an easy, effortless experience.
  • Since people treat me the way I treat myself, I am now treating myself fabulously.
  • I am a beautiful loving person, I deserve love.
  • All of my relationships are loving, lasting, and harmonious.
  • I always treat my partner with the utmost kindness.

By Jacqueline Hogan with thanks to Sondra Ray (1980).

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