How to Apologise in 5 Simple Steps

Author: Jacqui Hogan

Apologise From the Heart

Apologising from the heart is the way to go. Tune in to what your heart is telling you and be guided by what feels right.

A genuine apology is the best approach and is more likely to be accepted gracefully.

Apologise Like You Mean it!

Apologise with substance. Follow the five steps; commit to your apology and communicate your sincerity with genuine care and remorse.

If you have backed out or messed up an apology in the past, then you will love the simple five step process.

The 5 Step Apology

Step 1: I'm Sorry... Apologise

Apologise from the heart. Say it, and mean it. “I’m sorry”…

Step 2: Take Responsibility

Take responsibility for your part. Don’t blame, or make excuses. “I’m sorry, that I”…

Step 3: Offer a Resolution

Show you’re willing to repair the damage, “I’m sorry, that I”… “I will…”

Step 4: Seek Forgiveness

Ask for forgiveness, it’s not implied, or demanded. “I’m sorry, that I”… “I will”… “Please forgive me”…

Step 5: Forgive Yourself & Repair

Forgive yourself. Practice self-compassion, and follow through on your heartfelt apology with real action and commitment. Be true to your word, and accept your partner’s response, even if forgiveness doesn’t come straight away.

You’ve apologised sincerely and shown you’re open to repair. That’s all you can do.

Acknowledge your partner’s pain, and remember that even when forgiveness is offered, healing takes time. Forgiveness can’t be implied or expected, and it’s never demanded; it’s invited.

Now in order, Your apology might look something like this:
“I’m sorry, that I…”
“I will…”
“Please forgive me.”
“I’m here for you.”

Great Apologies Lead to Close Relationships

Let’s see a quick example to help the 5 steps sink in. I want you to be ready to apologise in advance and know the 5 steps. It’s a key communication skill for couples. A heartfelt apology with real substance will help lead your partner to find forgiveness, understanding, and build a closer connection.

Example:

“Hi darling, can I have a moment of your time please. I want you to know that I’m sorry. I really am.

I’m sorry that I missed our anniversary and I know I let you down. It’s my fault and I shouldn’t have forgot, but I did! It’s my mistake, and I’m sorry.

I will make it up to you. I’d like to take you out to dinner in the city this Saturday night. I have reservations at a secret restaurant and I can’t wait to see the look on your face when you find out where!

What do you say? Will you forgive me? Say yes to Saturday night and let me make it up to you?”

Well done. You’re doing great…

Over the next few days be compassionate by listening and being there for your partner. Ask what they need. Tune in to their world. Show you’re trust worthy by doing what you say you will. Be reliable and let your actions become your apology.

Assuming you don’t forget to make reservations – Chances are good you’ll have a wonderful Saturday night!

Top Tips to Remember for an Apology that Sticks

Own the apology – let it come from you and not someone else
Be present, say it in person is best
Avoid distractions and look at each other
Remember your body language – be congruent with what you’re saying
Use soft tonality in your voice
Avoid blaming, making excuses, ducking responsibility
Take your time
Choose your timing
Provide space as needed

Be ready to listen
Stay calm – be grounded in the moment, accepting of the response
Your apology has no conditions or strings attached
Your apology stands even if you aren’t forgiven
Forgive yourself – You’re only human. Release guilt and shame
Learn and grow from the experience

To help you make a heartfelt apology without getting defensive, you’ll love the free Smooth Conversations Guidebook. It’s packed with insights, and tips to help you have Smooth Conversations and avoid common communication mistakes that can bring you undone.