Are you unhappy in your marriage or relationship?
Do you constantly argue and let frustrations boil over?… If so then you’re probably all too familiar with these:
- Door slamming
- Sleeping on the couch (again)
- Dodging objects being thrown (or throwing and smashing things yourself)
- Arguing, yelling, screaming, swearing and blaming
- Driving off
- Frustration and anger
- Silent treatment
- Sadness, depression and emptiness
- So-so support wavering from friends and family
- Feeling alone, and;
- The “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it” – make up routine
Any of these things above are an indicator of something not right in your relationship.
For unhappy couples experiencing one or more of these toxic behaviours can create a heavy the emotional burden. The toll on your happiness and well-being is severe and the issues become complex with deep seeded roots.
Of course in this situation, I highly recommend seeing a professional and qualified counsellor (like myself) to talk through your issues and develop appropriate strategies to address the underlying issues and start the repair process.
Having said that, this post is about three of my favourite ideas and ways to create happiness in your relationship. The ideas are from my larger, premium members only post – “The Pursuit of Happiness.”
In any case, the following ideas can be great strategies to rescue your relationship from a slump or as part of a wider strategy for couples on the brink of divorce and breakup.
(The computer keyboard shortcut to ‘undo’)
Undo, Undo! If you have messed up, admit your mistake and get in there and do what it takes to fix it.
Some things are hard to undo, but here’s the thing. Even if you can’t totally undo what you have done, the ACT of trying and persevering to undo what you have done WILL be noticed. And that counts. How far it counts may differ from couple to couple, but I’ll tell you one thing, it is 10x better than not doing anything to make up for mistakes from the past.
At the end of the day, we are all human and forgiveness will find its natural path in due course.
Two. Support each other overcoming your fears
This will help build a high level of trust in your relationship and strengthen your bond. Experiencing a triumph together will be something you will never forget and you will hold the person who supported you in high regard.
Pick out a suitable challenge or fear that is holding you back that you’d love to conquer. Work out and say to your partner how they can help you. Try and be clear so you are both on the same page.
For example, if you want to conquer your fear of heights – you could do a bridge climb together and be there for your partner to provide verbal support and comfort all the way through.
Maybe it’s a fear of speaking up, and being true to yourself in front of family, colleagues or the pubic?
It could come from religious beliefs or family heritage. Whatever it might be, support your partner in confronting their fears and challenges they face. They may not need advice or tactics – ask to be sure, it could be they just need you there – to hold their hand and believe in them.
Three. Lighten your load. Physically and mentally.
Getting rid of things seems straightforward but there are so many emotional hoops we need to go through to let go of things. Having the strength to lighten your load and get rid of things can be very rewarding for your relationship.
No longer will she have to park her car out in the weather because your garage is full of old sports equipment, broken parts and sentimental childhood toys.
No longer will he have to search endlessly for a pillow case amongst a wardrobe overflowing with linen. You get the idea – by living with ‘a minimum’ you free up space to breathe – to think clearly, and get things done. Saving time for fun and enjoyable things!
The same is true for ‘mental baggage’ – but I will save that for another time.
For 5 more relationship “rut-busters” – be sure to read my post The top 5 Rituals for a Happy Marriage
If you feel your relationship needs more help than just a few strategies, then I can surely help you! Give me a call to chat.
You may be interested to learn more about my popular Save My Marriage Program for couples in need of immediate help.
Or learn more about the benefits of couples counselling with Jacqui.