Learn How to Use – Smooth Conversations

Couples Communication Made Easy

Ask ‘Smooth Conversation’ questions to have calm conversations with your partner and repair relationship problems.

Get started using the ‘Quick Start Guide’ below.

smooth conversations box

Quick Start Guide

Enjoy 'Smooth Conversations' for a happy, loving relationship

Learn about the 4 different card colours and the read the essential tips to get started.

As you get the hang of ‘Smooth Conversations’, dig deeper and discover all the benefits and different ways you can use the cards and take your relationship to the next level.

Blue Cards - Clarity

smooth conversations - blue clairty cards

Start with the blue ‘clarity’ cards. These cards are all about gaining clarity and shared understanding. Browse the questions and learn more about a topic or area of concern in your relationship. Take in turns and give each other time and space to think, listen, respond and explore.

Red Cards - Repair

smooth conversations - red repair cards

Shift to the red ‘repair’ cards to focus on pathways toward solutions, forgiveness and repair. Explore boundaries, feelings, ideas, deeper understanding, and more.

Green Cards - Unity

smooth conversations - green unity cards

Move to the green ‘unity’ cards to come together as one, support each other and get creative. Build trust and get unstuck. Embrace possibilities, experience breakthroughs and feel confident as you make real progress as a couple.

Purple Cards - Harmony

smooth conversations - purple harmony cards

Finish with the purple ‘harmony’ cards to wrap up your conversation on a warm note. Make agreements and share a vision for the future. Harmony cards are useful for taking the next steps and building commitment in the relationship.

Essential Tips & Tricks to Get Started

The #1 purpose of ‘Smooth Conversations’ is to help you have better conversations and develop a closer, loving relationship.

Follow the top 10 tips below to ensure you have a great experience from your first conversation.

Have conversations when you are both feeling calm, and have the emotional capacity to have a great discussion. If your feeling tired, stressed or all worked up and feeling on edge. It’s wise to focus on self-soothing and relaxation first.

The cards are for inspiring peaceful and insightful discussion. They are for mutual benefit and finding acceptable outcomes to relationship problems. They are not an interrogation tool and will not help you win an argument. Using the cards with the best intentions helps build close relationships based on trust and understanding.

Depending on the nature of your conversation, be sure you both have enough time to talk. 15 minutes is an ideal minimum, while an hour is a good amount of time for deeper and more complex topics.

Being open, honest, and a little bit vulnerable will help you get to the good stuff sooner! Lowering your defenses in a respectful conversation will shed light on how you really feel, what you really think, and what you’re willing to do. If you’re defensive, closed off, dismissive or avoidant, progress will be slow and outcomes will underwhelming.

Start the conversation softly. Use a calm, natural tone to start the conversation peacefully. This helps you both feel comfortable and settle into a nice rhythm of listening, responding and asking questions.

Avoid making assumptions. Be inquisitive and let your heart and gut guide you along with the cards questions. Avoid negative sentiment clouding your conversation. Try to start with a neutral & fair bias.

Find the best questions to ask at the right time. Skip cards that aren’t relevant to your current conversation. Set aside ‘great question cards’ to ask later when the time is right. It’s okay to ask the same question more than once.

Follow conversation threads and let great conversations unfold naturally. If this means one person is asking questions and one person is listening, that’s fine. Go with the flow if you’re making great progress.

Take a moment to find the right question. It’s worth it.

Take your time to respond as best you can.

Give your partner time to respond.

Appreciate your partners participation. Be grateful to each other for sharing, compromising, caring and improving your communication and relationship. Be forgiving and allow for mistakes, ‘take-backs’ and rephrasing, we are only human after all.

Related: Smooth Conversations Workshop Video Series

Types of Conversations to Have

No two conversations are the same. In fact there are many ways a conversation can unfold. There are countless topics to talk about and all sorts of different ways a conversation can end. It’s what makes conversations so fascinating and interesting!

But what about when conversations are hard to have, end in disaster, and there are problems in the relationship?

That’s exactly what Smooth Conversations are designed for. It’s this special focus that makes them so useful!

As a starting point, here is a list of the types of conversations you can have, using Smooth Conversations to guide you.

  • Get clarity and shared understanding on a topic, event or situation.
  • Get clarity and shared understanding of each others feelings and experience.
  • Reach an agreement / compromise on a current problem or issue.
  • Explore new ideas in a collaborative and calm way.
  • Process a past event. Explore forgiveness and rebuilding trust / connection.
  • Explore solutions, workarounds and temporary agreements to relationship problems.
  • Process emotions, difficult feelings, and complex situations.
  • Explore acceptance, beliefs and values.
  • Exploring change, alternate perspectives and meanings
  • Creative thinking and bold ideas / solutions.

Another idea is to just start a simple conversation with your partner, use your best judgement with a bit of trial and error and see where it takes you. I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it in no time.

smooth conversations cards couch conversation
Calm conversations lead to relationship breakthroughs and new hope for the future.

Benefits of Using Smooth Conversations to Guide You

There are so many benefits of using Smooth Conversations. From calm conversations, to loving relationships.

Discover the top benefits below and remind yourself ‘why’ the effort is worth it.

  • Peaceful discussions and kind, respectful communication.
  • Clarity and shared understanding.
  • Stronger connection, and a resilient bond.
  • Knowing each other better.
  • Speaking softly, listening openly and constructive outcomes.
  • Greater fondness, love and affection.
  • Forgiveness, empathy and feeling free & content.
  • Feeling proud, confident and capable for the future.
  • Feeling happy, loved, and cared for by your partner. ‘They get you’
  • A growing sense of trust and respect for each other.
  • Feeling content with your self, and being more consistent and reliable in the relationship.
  • Feeling empowerment and energised by responsibility.
  • Feeling courageous by being vulnerable and making a difference in your relationship.
  • Feeling united, happy and affectionate in your relationship.

The benefits will be personal to you and your unique relationship.

What will it mean to you, when you are experiencing one or more of these benefits in your relationship?

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