Add Variety to Your Relationship
How do you revitalise a stale relationship?
How much time and effort is needed to keep a relationship alive and thriving? And what’s at stake?
Relationships are dynamic and we are changing as individuals on a daily basis. As life happens our relationship adapts and changes with it.
Sometimes the changes are welcome, often they are self driven, like becoming a parent or taking a different job.
But when things stay the same, your relationship can become stale. You may lose a sense of time, and excitement wanes. There is little of interest to talk about, leading to boredom and bad habits to set in.
What's in Your Control?
Things happen outside our control, but one thing we can always control is our response to ‘whatever is happening’ out there in the big wide world.
The easy way out is to blame people and things, and generally point the finger everywhere but at yourself.
If you were to look inward for a moment – like in this exercise, and say to yourself
“I’m responsible for shaking things up in my relationship”
Then you will feel a ‘hit of responsibility, and possibly a little bit of fear and excitement.
If you hold onto this thought of taking responsibility, and add in a bit of courage, confidence and ‘Zest-for-life’ (perhaps like a younger self) then you have all the ingredients for ‘shaking things up’ and reinvigorating your life and relationship.
Imagine the possibilities if you both take on the challenge to ‘Shake Things Up’!
That’s what this conversation is all about in the Connected Couples Series.
Embrace a Positive Mindset for Change
Change can lead to feelings of discomfort and fear. Be mindful of how you cope and experience change. Be mindful of how your partner copes and experiences change.
Take on just the right amount of change to suit your relationship. Every couple and individual is different.
Having mindful awareness of your comfort zone, boundaries and emotions is a great asset for shaking things up ‘just right’.
To assist, explore lowering your defenses to be less resistant to change and open to new ideas.
Any of the 3 free Mindful Meditation Exercises will be a ‘calming mindset experience’ to prepare you for the following conversation and any subsequent change.
Questions - Let's Shake Things Up
- What is working well for us, that we don’t want to change?
- What’s one activity you’ve been itching to do, but have put on hold for too long?
- Looking at the wheel of emotion – What do you want to experience more of?
- In what way could I provide more space, freedom and encouragement for you to step outside your comfort zone with confidence toward a goal or dream?
- What is one boring task or chore we could outsource (or get the kids to do) so we have more time for something new?
- Who would I become if I lowered my guard a little and expressed myself more authentically and exuberantly?
- If we had to change identities and move town, who would we each ideally become, and where would we go?
- How can we each take responsibility to add some ‘spice’ to our day? Singing? Skipping? Humour? Being extra kind to each other, a stranger?
- What existing qualities and characteristics do you love and appreciate in your partner?
- In what way can you revitalise these qualities and characteristics in yourself to be adored – in your partner’s eyes.
