Preparing For Your First Session
Spending some time to prepare for your first session will help you get the most benefit from counselling.
Taking the time to think about your own individual issues and objectives can help you to get clear on your highest priorities.
My job as a counsellor and coach is to help you find solutions and help you reach your objectives to achieve the outcomes you desire. I have many resources and therapeutic strategies to help you become a better partner and have a happy loving relationship.
My goal is to help you make the necessary adjustments in your life and relationship while upholding your values, beliefs and respecting your boundaries.
When you book your first appointment with me I will send you a ‘pre-session pack’ to help you unpack what’s going on for you.
Goals and Objectives of Couples Therapy
The main aim of couples counselling and relationship coaching is to better understand yourself and your partner and the patterns of interaction between you. Working with me in a safe therapeutic environment is effective for you to apply new knowledge and breakthrough old unhelpful behaviours, beliefs and patterns keeping you stuck.
Your Ideal Relationship
As your work with me, usually in one of my foundation programs, your thoughts, attitude and beliefs will shift. Having a sense of clarity as new possibilities arise makes it easier to become the partner you aspire to be.
- What kind of relationship do I desire?
- What kind of life do I want to build together?
- What are my biggest blocks to becoming the kind of partner I aspire to be?
- What skills and knowledge do I need to achieve this life and relationship I desire?
- Am I open to learning new things I don’t even know about right now?
Trade-offs, Compromise & Difficult Decisions
To create improvement in your relationship you need:
- A vision of the life you want to build together and individually
- Positive and healthy attitudes to support each other and work as a team
- Knowledge and skills to make the changes and adjustments
- Motivation to keep going and persist toward your objectives and goals
- Time to learn, grow, experiment and review your progress
- To compromise and make difficult decisions for the best outcomes
First, let’s talk about time. It simply ‘takes time’ to create a relationship that thrives and flourishes.
Spending time on your relationship is a smart investment that can pay ‘dividends’ for years to come. In the short term however changes will have to be made on how you spend ‘free time’ to get the biggest changes in the shortest amount of time. This includes making sacrifices to your personal or professional time.
The second point is about discomfort. The brain likes comfort and keeping things nice and easy for you, making going outside your ‘comfort zone’ feel difficult, especially for extended periods of time.
However trying new ways of thinking and doing things, leads to new rewards. Listening and being curious instead of ‘raising your voice and defending’ could feel emotionally risky or hurtful in the beginning; but by taking a ‘risk’ and exploring entirely different ways of communicating can elevate your relationship to a whole new level!
The third challenge you will face is the energy required to push through the discomfort and the effort required to sustain your improvement over time. Unpacking your feelings, emotions and ‘life’ can be challenging and emotional. Changing habits and behaviour requires a special effort. Making a concerted effort to being more attentive, understanding, giving, grateful, appreciative etc, all takes effort. The rewards however can be life changing.
Finally, improving your reaction or sensitivity to problems is another challenging area for many couples. For example, if one person is hypersensitive to criticism and his/her partner is hypersensitive to feeling ignored, it will take effort to improve their sensitivity instead of hoping the partner will stop ignoring or criticising.
In all these areas, there is generally a conflict between short-term gratification and the long-term goal of creating a satisfying relationship. The reality is that, in a happy functioning relationship, effort is required by each person to make a sustained improvement.
Coming Soon – Part 2: Important Concepts to Maximise The Value From Couples Counselling & Coaching.
Ready To Take The Next Step? – Book Your Discovery Session
Jacqui works in person and online via phone and video call. To get started, call today for a free short chat and arrange a time that suits you for your first session.